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Give it up for Our Wonderful Spit!
Robert Rieck
QuadAntics
I think this will be the first time for all of us (me as the writer; you as readers) to be involved in a short writing about spit. This will also be my first time writing about spit as a main topic, especially, writing in a way showing appreciation for spit. Right now, as you're reading this, you are captivated with spit as the subject. You may have seen the occasional word from time-to-time, but nothing like I am going to emphasize here.
Spit is awesome!
Allow me to help you get into the mind-zone so you can appreciate spit by reading here how necessary it is for us.
Food Digestion. This is a life-sustaining benefit of spit. Most, if not all foods need some lubrication to help us swallow them. A child may not understand spits importance to this effect until they try to eat a Snickers bar without it. Thank you spit!
Spit Grip. What is spit grip? Oh, let me tell you about spit grip! As a quadriplegic, it becomes necessary and efficient to lick some part of my paralyzed hand in order to grip to hold, slide, turn, balance ect a whole goo-gobs of things throughout my day. I find myself licking spit on the fleshy underside of my three fingers and thumb on each hand to help me with the following:
-move/pickup papers (especially when on a flat surface)
-turn pages of books
-hold onto a cup
-grab miscellaneous items at home and store
When a person does not have voluntary control over a hand with its' fingers, the natural grip of spit is handy. Thank you spit!
Face Cleanser. I'm sure everyone remembers Mom using spit power to clean mustard of your face. Thank you spit!
Hair Sculpturing Agent. You're at a girls house picking her up for a first date. You park in front of her house, take a moment to look at your appearance in the rearview mirror, and notice a sizable chunk of hair prominently poking out. It's too long to leave without being noticed, but also to short to simply tuck behind your ear without it popping out again. What do you do? You use the only available resource you have...spit! With enough applications you can mold and retain that stubborn chunk of hair to do anything. Hell, if you just finished eating something with lots of sugar, that chunk of hair is going to petrify in place all nice and hard. Thank you spit!
Wet Kisses. A kiss would not be a KISS without our best friend...spit. Without spit, a kiss wouldn't be much different than having two bodies bump into each other in an elevator. A simple touch; no big deal; go on with life. There's something about the exchange of spit during a kiss...Umm...HOT!
Intimate Lube. [Spoken as a man]: You have a Man. A Female body. His fingers. Spit! Thank you spit!
Wet Willies. Where would all those fun, clowning times be without spit? Thank you spit!
Stain Remover. Have you ever been away from home, are running short on time, and have a food spill accident on the shirt? "Why yes Robert, I have" responds my readers. Be amazed by using a little spit and a mouth suck. TaDa...it faded away!
Envelope Sealer. Lick-n-stick. Thank you spit!
CD/DVD/Eyeglasses Cleaner. When the condensation from your mouth is not enough; lick-spit-on, wipe-lspit-off. Thank you spit!
Loogies. Where would the awards be for the movie Titanic if Leonardo didn't have spit to show what's-her-face how to spit a loogie like a man? Thank you spit!
Thinning Agent. No, not to lose weight--fat asses! As an artist, I understand those times when the paint does not have the right consistency. Thank you spit!
Wound Cleanser. Your out skateboarding with friends. You're doing some gnarly tricks. You haven't felt this connected with your deck in a long time. You have a little knee scuff that introduces some dirt. Wash it out with spit. Thank you spit!
Spit Wads. Without spit for the fun wads, I wouldn't have been able to teach the young children in my life how to really enjoy themselves. Especially, during family time restaurant visits as their parents were discussing whether or not to have another child. Thank you spit!
Gum. I think I can speak for all. I would miss the ' attitude chew. ' You know the one with a ball of gum, and lots-o-spit. Mouth open, mouth close, mouth open, mouth close really fast with chomp, chomp noises. Thank you spit!
Joint. Ya need spit to roll a spliff! Thank you spit!
Last, but not least...If my ink pen stopped writing during this message I have a solution; do you? SPIT! THANK YOU SPIT!
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Article submitted Sunday, July 06, 2008
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