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Why Couples Drift Apart
Sonal Shah
http://www.winwithpersonality.com
Recently, two of my friends got divorced. They were married for 10 years and were a beautiful couple, so much in love. Both of them were genuine, warm people. It was a shock to all of us to hear of this.
I asked them why they had to divorce. They said they just drifted apart'.
This set me thinking. Why would two such obviously good natured, warm, caring and seemingly compatible people just drift apart. I mean, they married for love and because they got on well together.
What I think must have happened ( and this happens to many couples ) is that they simply stopped spending time together, . Let me explain. Newlyweds want to spend as much time as possible together. There is a lot of emotional, mental and sexual excitement. Then after some time, the couple settles in. At this stage, they are very comfortable with each other and start really knowing the other person. They go about their work and spend time whenever possible with their spouse. This is the pattern set in their marriage. During the years, additional responsibilities like kids, business, new job and other major changes will affect this equation either positively or negatively which means, that the couple may spend more time together or less time together than before. If for example, when they have kids, they might spend less time together because rearing kids keeps the mother very busy or they could consciously spend more time together because of sharing the responsibility of parenting, joint family activities, taking the kids out to play or outings etc. Now, the couples who let all these life changes affect their time spent together start knowing less and less about each other's day and ultimately about the changes in each other. They are the ones who drift apart.
How is a couple to avoid this drifting apart.
Couples have to make sure that they spend time together. Time spent together is entirely dependent on individual couples and how they react and adjust to their life changes and circumstances. Couples who schedule time together know what is happening in their spouse's life. There is sharing of views, information and common interests. They can easily talk to each other. Contrast this with couples who do not spend time together very often. They lose touch with each other's lives. They begin to live separate lives and spending time without their partner becomes a habit. As a result, interests, friends, work develops without the other partner being in the picture.
Where communication fails, relationships wither. Communication is dependent on the time spent communicating with the other partner, the honesty of communication, the openness of communication AND the understanding ( when you put yourself in your spouse's shoes ). Connection with the other partner thrives where the right communication is there.
Also, couples who spend time together DEVELOP together. Sometimes, one partner simply outgrows the other partner i.e. their development levels have become very different. One partner has simply become mentally very developed compared to the other partner.
To avoid this difference in development, schedule time together, preferably everyday. Communicate well. Try to really understand your partner. Ensure your partner is also a partner in your development. Talk about what is happening. If there is some way your spouse can participate in developing himself or herself, do it. Support your spouse in times of stress. Put yourself in his or her shoes and understand. Do everything you can do to comfort your partner.
Physical intimacy is also very important for a marriage to thrive.
Also very important is the time spent together as a family. Couples who ensure that they spend time together as a family have more chances of staying together.
Having a long lasting and successful marriage is one of life's greatest pleasures. It is a lesson in friendship. Every effort should be made to sustain and nourish that friendship to the next level.
Article submitted Tuesday, September 02, 2008
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