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Relationships in Transition
Desiree Steinmann 
Desiree Steinmann
Steinmann International
In my work as an Expatriate-Coach, I get to work with both the working partner who has been offered a job in another country, as well as with their accompanying partner. This duality translates into both business coaching and life coaching. For both scenarios, we work with the 3 step model 1-2-Change to aim for clarity, ownership and action. In this case study about change through the eyes of an expatriate family, I will introduce Karen and Mike to you, clients of mine, who relocated from the US to Germany and underwent the transitioning process. Everything we will explore now within their experience also applies to other change-situations such as starting a new business, thinking about a career change, or managing a huge change process within the corporate environment. So, while reading this story, compare Karen's and Mike's insights to your own situation and aim for clarity, ownership and action.
It all started with the job proposal for Mike to climb up another step on the career ladder and his acceptance of a senior management position in Germany . He was proud and excited to get such a chance and living abroad sounded interesting and thrilling. Though it had been initiated by the company, it felt self-initiated to Mike, since he had been working toward this assignment for a long time. However, Karen instead responded to this opportunity with more resistance and fear. She had to give up her job, leave her well-built social structure, and deal with the unknown of a foreign country. But as Mike was all up for it and ready to take it on, she supported him in this decision and they got all ready to move.
The company took care of the move and Mike went earlier to Germany to get started before Karen followed. Thus, he had more time to dedicate to the new job at the beginning. In contrast, Karen was back at home in the U.S. and feeling left out. She had no control over the move and didn't even know who was in charge, since all the communication went through Mike, the employee. Mike was very busy and with the time difference, just managed a quick call each day to say "hi" to Karen and to tell her what was happening there. Then Karen also moved to Germany with all the best intentions and positive thinking, but still hesitant and wondering what it was going to be like.
What kind of emotions did they both go through the first few weeks?
Mike: first he was exited and energized, then he felt pressure to adapt quickly, the need to gain respect, prove himself, all the while feeling like an outsider, less competent, a learner instead of a leader, stress at home, cultural awareness and some hesitance since it was more difficult and different than he had expected.
Karen: felt overwhelmed, out of control (as she was not involved in the move), uprooted, disconnected, a victim of the situation - even that she agreed to come along, frustrated and depressed, incompetent and got very angry and resentful towards Mike, who had gotten her into this situation.
This was where our work together started. First, they both had to get clarity- clarity about how they felt and why they felt that way. Together, we explored why they felt the way they did, and next we could identify their needs, which had to be met in order for them to feel good again.
Mike needed: a good overview of the new company, its goals and areas of improvement, a mentor or partner at work, success within the first 90 days, a better understanding of the culture and climate at work, to define his rules, build his team, open communication, and create more balance in his life. Karen needed: control over her life again, to associate with someone other than Mike alone, build a social structure, define a new direction in life, and the help to do it.
Now was the time to move them towards the action plan by getting clear about what they both wanted.
Mike then said that he wanted to learn quickly, build a network, assemble his team, and to create a vision for himself and his employees. Karen was now ready to understand that she wanted a new life plan, to feel competent again, to make use of her strengths, and to find a new meaning in life that had changed so much. She saw the wonderful opportunity to redefine herself at this point in her life.
While we were exploring what Mike and Karen wanted in great detail, a shift had occurred from their observing and being more outside themselves and inactive, to their reclaiming ownership and responsibility for themselves and understanding that one always have a choice!
The energy level had increased tremendously and they were ready to take action!
When I asked them what they had learned from this experience they both told me:
- Prepare before! Get all the information and get in touch with your emotions before!
- Handle your needs proactively
- Get clear about what you really want and all the possibilities in great detail!
- Stay in charge of your situation
- Make decisions
- Get into action
- Keep learning and adapt your steps along the way
- Enjoy the trip!!!
Article submitted Thursday, October 09, 2008
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